Sad Day

Good afternoon, Patrons -

Last night an emergency meeting was called by the Board’s new Chief Financial Officer, Mark Foster, who provided the group with a 376 page overview of the organizations financials as impacted by COVID and last years event.

TL/DR at the bottom.

During a grueling three hour presentation , Mr. Foster ran through a series of graphs with downward pointing arrows and titles like “catastrophic fiscal deficit” coupled with questionable remarks directed at the governing body’s “frivolous” spending habits that included a full scale event house renovation during the worst ever market conditions.


In addition, large spikes in shipping costs, product scarcity, and panic buying have brought expenses to an all-time high.

Despite the Board reminding Mr. Foster that the investments made into AMC, CLNE, and WISH were surely to “moon” at any moment despite being down 12.8% at Friday’s market close, it was determined that for the best interest of the organization and its patrons that a change would need to be made. We here do not want to taper back any of the existing activities or offerings at the festival. We vow to our patrons not to ever “cheapen it up” or throw some “Busch League Backyard BBQ”. There will be wagyu. There will be explosions. There will be chlorine for the pool (thanks to a shady deal with a East Asian chlorine facility). With that said, we’re forced to implement the following:

TL/DR: Due to rising costs across the nation on shipping charges, fuel, product scarcity, and pretty much everything else that is fun, the Board has had no choice but to raise entry fees this year.

Adult Admission: $20

Kids: Free if you can carry them or can’t ride all the rides at an amusement park, otherwise they’re be classified as an adult.

We apologize for the inconvenience, but we are very much looking forward to enjoying the upcoming holiday with all of you.

Cheers and Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there.